chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
