Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
