i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
How naked do you want me to be?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
