My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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