How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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