It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
