listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
