I wish I could teleport
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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