He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
