the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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