Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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