Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
