you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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