i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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