Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
