Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
