i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
