dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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