I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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