I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
My feet surprised me
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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