im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
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I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
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I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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