3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
