Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
the condom got lost in my hair
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
