dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
