I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
