Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
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This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
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We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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