You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You ruined the universe
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
