The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
