So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
