At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
