those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
