tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I haven't been this sober since birth.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
