If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
What a dumb baby whore.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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