WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
