i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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