Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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