you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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