just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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