Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
