turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
sex in a hospital.. check
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
