dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
