I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
