STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
