And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
