Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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