My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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