I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
