these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
