420 ftw
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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