I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
