Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
