I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
