Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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