just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
