i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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