I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
