I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
