In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
