He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
