I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
