this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
