Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
