This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
