you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
