Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Randomize
