So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
We left the knife in your bed.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
