Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
You smell like stripper and shame
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
