Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
