Cold hands, warm shart.
i jhust puked up my retainher.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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