He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
