I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
