i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
