I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
