shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
