I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
