apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
