at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
