Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
