I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
love makes seman taste better
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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